International Day of Unwanted Loneliness
Loneliness is more than a feeling; it is about being unable to meet your unique needs for love and belonging. The problem of loneliness is common for adults around the world who report they often feel it!
One thing we need to realize is that loneliness is a REAL HEALTH PROBLEM! Being lonely is stressful and when we are stressed – our bodies and minds respond to the stressor. I once had a lady tell me that her loneliness was killing her, and I think she was right! Loneliness has been now linked with mortality!
The Lonely Body
We have reported that loneliness is linked to stress responses. This means that it changes our stress hormones – especially cortisol – which can lead to any of the following:
- Chronic inflammation is linked to heart disease including high blood pressure.
- Poor sleep, which means we are not restoring ourselves
- Poorer immune function which means it is harder to combat infections.
- Strain on our metabolic system that leads to other chronic illnesses.
- Diminished ability to heal wounds
The Lonely Brain
Scientists know from over 44 studies that loneliness can change how the brain is structured and functions. When people have been lonely for a while, they have diminished size of gray matter in the brain and may have heightened reactivity to other people – this means that lonely people may self-isolate, feel undesirable, or use substances. We need to reach out to them! If you want to know more about loneliness and health, I recently launched a new free mini-course on loneliness and health that explains how loneliness impacts health.
What can we do about Loneliness?
Given all the problems that stem from loneliness, I would recommend that you consider loneliness as a vital sign or signal for action – in my prior work with LISTEN, an intervention I developed for loneliness – we brought people together to work through the problem and make an action plan, and they did become less lonely as they forged ahead with unique plans they developed after learning about loneliness and listening to others. I am just now opening a new self-help course called I Belong for lonely people – the course is based on findings from my research and has been refined to be online so it is accessible to lonely adults around the globe. I Belong, is designed to take you on a journey from understanding and exploring your experience of loneliness to planning actions that take you to belonging!
In the meantime – remember to start with micro-actions – first, acknowledge the loneliness and determine small steps you can take – text one friend, plan one meeting for coffee, re-engage with your creative side, and explore your faith and community. Then, share your story with others and you will see that you are not alone in loneliness and most of all, be self-compassionate about your loneliness –we all need love and belonging!
Professor at The George Washington University School of Nursing and Owner of Listen for Loneliness, LLC. She is also a nurse practitioner. She is internationally known for her expertise on loneliness, social isolation, and health and her work has been featured on national public radio (NPR) and Comcast Newsmakers in addition to other media outlets. Her program of work is centered on loneliness and how it relates to health and healing. She has produced over 60 peer-reviewed publications on topics relevant to loneliness, isolation, rural populations, chronic illness, substance use, and telehealth initiatives.