Sexual consent is essential for maintaining healthy and free relationships. Literature has traditionally focused on analyzing the verbal and non-verbal cues expressed during sexual encounters. However, a recent study goes beyond these signals and focuses on an aspect that had not yet been studied: how interactions between young men who are not their partners influence their attitudes and perceptions of sexual consent. This approach raises important questions that we explore in this article.
The impact of social pressure
“Many times we felt pressured by our friends who tried to convince us when maybe we didn’t want anything.”
When starting a relationship, the social pressure a boy might experience within his group of friends can lead him to make decisions that are not based on his own desires, but on the pressure to conform to traditional norms of dominant masculinity. They may feel compelled to pursue a girl for fear of being seen as weak or less masculine. In this sense, sexual consent is influenced not only by the context of the relationship itself but also by peer interactions. These coercive acts not only harm their self-esteem and sense of attractiveness but also take away the opportunity to experience relationships filled with desire and freedom—relationships based on consent.
Normalization of coercive acts
“Among boys, we’re usually pretty tough on each other. We get teased a lot. I know of some cases where a guy tries to start a relationship and it doesn’t work out. Then his friends, instead of accepting it, start provoking him: ‘You got nowhere. You should’ve done this or that. Try again.’ They push him to keep trying. When it’s one person pushing, it’s one thing, but when several do it, it really depends on how strong you are.”
What is most concerning is that these coercive acts are normalized among young people, who may feel constant pressure to achieve sexual conquests over respecting consent. The article includes stories where boys encourage others to take advantage of vulnerable girls under the influence of alcohol, or to persist after a rejection, ignoring the girl’s clear refusal. These dynamics foster an environment that disregards autonomy and the desires of others, normalizing actions that violate mutual consent.
Upstander networks and new masculinities
“A guy invites a girl, she’s not interested, and the group insists. I end up in the middle, telling them to stop because I don’t want the girl to have a bad time. But yes, you face the consequences: people start looking at you differently. Maybe no one says anything, but the attitude changes.”
Support among men who promote free and consensual relationships plays a crucial role in preventing situations that violate consent. Many men oppose coercive behavior. By doing so, they not only avoid violent relationships themselves, but also help their peers resist pressure and enjoy relationships based on respect and mutual desire.
It is crucial to create networks of upstanders that promote new, alternative masculinities—a support network among men that challenges coercive behavior and encourages free relationships based on consent and desire. For this to happen, it is necessary to implement evidence-based sex and relationships education in schools, to build a culture where consent and mutual respect are the foundation of sexual and emotional relationships.
Article translated from Periódico Educación
PhD in Education. For 10 years, she worked as a pedagogue and educational counselor in diverse contexts. Currently, she is adjunct professor at the University of Valencia.