When I was in secondary school, as February 14th approached, I would get bombarded with messages about “San Violentín” (“Saint Violentines”) and how supposedly bad romantic love was. No one mentioned or acknowledged gender-based violence outside of a couple or ex-couple relationship—an hoax that has had terrible consequences for thousands of girls and boys around the world. The danger, for a large part of the adult world around us—following that kind of hoax that was constantly repeated—was that we might fall in love, that we might have beautiful relationships.
There is scientific literature that has already debunked all those so-called “myths of romantic love,” which attribute to it characteristics that have nothing to do with it. Control, jealousy, violence… have never been characteristics of romantic love. In the origins of romantic love, we do not find a patriarchal imposition of heterosexual relationships that frames coercion and lack of autonomy as natural. On the contrary, we have a great role model: Sappho of Lesbos, with love poems and zero violence:
He seems to me equal to the gods that man
whoever he is who opposite you
sits and listens close
to your sweet speaking
and lovely laughing
With this argument, I do not mean that everyone must celebrate Valentine’s Day or be in a romantic relationship; it is simply about defending the freedom of those who want to do so, without suffering coercion or being misled by hoaxes attached to the option they have freely chosen. Thanks to scientific advances, the kind of campaigns that attack romantic love—especially on a day like today—have almost disappeared. These scientific advances, clarifying hoaxes through scientific evidence in the field of gender, have improved—and continue to improve today—the lives of thousands of other girls and boys who will not suffer the same kind of coercion when it comes to having the type of relationships they want, or celebrating the days they want to celebrate, as in the case of Valentine’s Day.
Co-founder and coordinator of the International Me Too Schools
Adjunct Professor of Sociology at the Universidad de Barcelona
Clarinetist graduated from the Conservatory of Music of Aragón.