Today, February 14th, is the day when many people celebrate love and affection. For feminism, reflecting on affective and sexual relationships has always been essential, especially regarding the freedom of each person from any form of coercion.
In the 19th century, women were forced to marry with whomever they were told to. Today, while the forms of these impositions have changed, they still persist. It is expected that girls have relationships, and that these relationships align with certain standards, often with people who despise them or reproduce power dynamics based on domination and violence.
Through coercive discourse, the idea that desire should be oriented toward affective-sexual relationships rooted in interactions of contempt has been promoted. In this framework, some people in young women’s surroundings, even classmates at school, reinforce these dynamics, pressuring them and making them feel inadequate if they do not follow these implicit norms. As a result, many end up involved in relationships that are far from free, even in degrading contexts, such as a dirty alley outside a nightclub at five in the morning.
However, true love, understood as a bond based on feeling, respect, and free choice, remains an aspiration for many girls and boys. Educating in the freedom of choice means reinforcing the importance of consent, respect, and autonomy for each person in building their relationships. Contrary to what some current discourses promote, romantic love is not the cause of gender-based violence; on the contrary, throughout history, it has functioned as a protective factor against violence and as a promoter of freedom.
Schools can and should be spaces free from violence and coercion, where every student has the opportunity to explore and decide about their relationships without feeling pressured. Celebrating Valentine’s Day is a personal, individual, or couple decision, which should not be marked by external pressures or derogatory discourses that label it as “silly,” “ridiculous,” or “cheesy.” Attacking love condemns girls and boys to unsatisfactory relationships that will have lifelong consequences.
The key lies in claiming the right to love freely, without impositions or coercion of any kind, and fostering a culture based on respect, free choice, and enjoyment in relationships from education.
PhD from the University of Wisconsin-Madison, in the best school of education in the world